From My Perspective..

they say, a man can only be as good through his actions.. but, can the actions be really good for other people? i just want people to not feel the pain i experience..i just want them to live not like me, but like what i dream to be. a person shouldn't be living to experience pain, a person lives to avoid pain, and that is exactly what i want.. the thing is, no matter how many times i do stuff for them that'll prevent them from feeling bad, no matter how many times i make them smile and forget the numerous problems in the world, i still get nothing...

isn't that a riddle in itself? why is it that the things that you do for them, be it acts of selflessness or even of love, doesn't return to you? they say that what goes around comes around, but i guess, in reality, good deeds -most of the time- don't come back.. i say this because i have lived most of my life trying to prevent bad feelings to be felt by the people i care for. i give them time, resources, happiness, humor, love, care, respect, understanding, almost everything, but they only seem to keep it for themselves.. 

i guess what i'm trying to say, is that, sometimes, i too just want to be given a soda can, i too, just want to hear a joke once in a while, i want a new shirt, a lunch treat, somebody to pick me up from school or my house then go some where, asked questions like "how was your day?" "do you need anything?" "want me to buy you food somewhere?".. questions that i ask to the people i care for.. 

is it bad to ask for those things? is it bad for me to want to be the center of attention -(positive attention)- once in a while? i didn't even get the stuff i wanted for my birthday.. i don't even get sympathy or consideration.. i think its expected of me to just become numb of those things because it never crosses their minds that i too am human..

even this post i made, some people will sure have negative things to say to this post. they'll say that it isn't true what i experience from them and blah blah blah.. the thing is, you're not the ones how sits in their beds, looking dazed and thinking to themselves "i just did them a favor, why do they still think that i don't need one..." i'm sorry for crying all this out, and i know that good deeds need not to have rewards because they are essential and the right things to do. but, its not so wrong to expect... i may have doomed myself of wanting even the equivalent of what i bring them but in the end, i just want them to not be me..